


The Case of the Missing Roommate

by Chameleani



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M, rated teen because of a few bad words, takes place towards the end of season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chameleani/pseuds/Chameleani
Summary: An unsolvable case, widely acknowledged as a mystery by literally every FBI agent on the planet, is left up to the greatest agent in the business-- Burt Macklin, and his partner/lover, Janet Snakehole. This could be the most important case of his life.April and Andy get suspicious of Ben.
Relationships: Andy Dwyer/April Ludgate, Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	The Case of the Missing Roommate

“I don't like to play games, Janet.” Burt growls, walking backwards until his back touches the wall. His hand hovers over his holster, the other hand on the bedroom doorknob.

“What _is_ 'hide and seek' to you, Macklin?”

His head snaps to the side, following the sound of her voice. He rounds the corner and looks behind the sofa-- she's gone. Diligently, he rolls himself over the piece of furniture and lands on his bottom, back against the seat. “I'm just too good.” He whispers.

Slowly, Burt turns around, hand against the seat of the sofa, lifting it up in one swift motion. He grins. “Gotcha.”

Janet squeals as Burt pulls her into his lap and unleashes his most deadly form of punishment-- tickle attacks. “Stop! Stop-- please! Andy!” She breathes, flipping over and pinning both of his arms at his side.

“How did you even get under there?”

“Practice,” Janet says, sitting up and bringing an imaginary cigarette holder to her lips. “Hiding from my ex-husband.”

“Ha! I'm totally going to track him down and kill him in your honor.”

“No use.” Janet falls back onto the floor dramatically, casting an arm over her forehead. “He's already dead.”

“Hey, Babe, time out.” Andy says, scratching the back of his neck. “Where's Ben?”

April sits up. “His room?”

“No, I don't think he came home.” He moves April's legs off of his lap and pushes his holster (a banana rubber banded to his belt loop) aside to grab his phone out of his pocket. “Let me shoot him a text.”

_Andy Dwyer 9:34 PM – Yo, Roomie, where are you?_

_Ben Wyatt, 9:36 PM – Staying over a friend's house. Sorry for not giving a heads up._

_Andy Dwyer 9:36 PM – Which friend?_

_Ben Wyatt 9:37 PM – You don't know them._

“That can't be right,” April reaches for Andy's phone. “Ben doesn't have any friends.”

“We don't know that.”

“Where would he make friends? He's a total nerd, he works for the government, and he's a total nerd. No, he has a date.” April drops the phone in her husband's lap and shifts her attention to her cuticles. “Probably Chris.”

“He can't be on a date, April. I know, 'cause he told me he likes Leslie.”

April snaps her head up. “Oh my god, Andy. What if he's _on a date_ with Leslie?”

“No. What? No. He would've told me.”

“Think about it! If he's out with someone, it has to be someone we know because he couldn't bring them back here. Oh my god.” She shudders. “If he and Leslie are together, I'm gonna throw up. They're so old, I'm gonna puke.”

Andy reaches across the floor to retrieve his sunglasses that had fallen off earlier. “There's only one way to find out. Janet, start the car.”

**

Driving with sunglasses at night is turning out to be a bit of a challenge, but it's only one challenge in a string of many Burt will encounter as he cracks the biggest case of his life: The Case of the Missing Roommate. The invisible smoke from Janet's imaginary cigarette floats out the window into the night sky, dissipating into a blanket of stars. The radio buzzes to life with sounds of the greatest band in America, Mouse Rat. The perfect environment for crime solving.

“Where would they be, so late at night?” Burt asks his partner.

Janet checks her lipstick in the side mirror. “Probably her house. If you're going to have an affair, you never should be out this late. Let's go see if his car is in her driveway.”

“Snakehole, you beautiful genius.” Burt pushes down on the gas and turns, screeching into Leslie's neighborhood. He slows to a stop across the street from her house, but Leslie's car is the only one in the driveway. All the lights are off except for one, and there's the colorful reflection of the TV playing coming from the side window. Andy takes off his sunglasses and drops them in the cup holder.

April groans, throwing her head back against the headrest. “I thought we were gonna catch them in the act.”

“Maybe Ben really is at a friend's house.” He replies, driving down Leslie's street as he looks for an exit. “I can't imagine he'd be with another girl so late. He was really into Leslie, but he said something about Chris having a rule where government employees can't date and--”

“Wait, stop.” April says. He screeches the car to a halt. “That's Ben's car.”

Sure enough, Ben's Saturn was parked a few houses down from Leslie's. His license plate and unmistakable 'Math Is Cool!' bumper sticker were illuminated by Andy's headlights. He gasps.

Burt reaches into the cup holder and unfolds his sunglasses, slipping them back over his nose.

“Let's turn this son of a bitch around.”

**

“Shh!” Janet tugs on his arm, pulling him down below Leslie's living room window. “Don't be obvious."

Slowly, Burt and Janet raise their view a bit, turning to get a view of Leslie's sofa. Burt gasps.

“We cracked it.”

Leslie is curled up against Ben's side, tucked under his arm, while some political news show plays on her TV. Ben says something that makes her laugh, and then turns his head to kiss her forehead. “Oh my god,” Janet whispers, imaginary cigarette holder clattering to the ground.

“Get a picture.” Burt pokes her arm. “For blackmail. And proof.”

“No.” April says softly, backing down to sit on her heels. “No, let's get out of here.”

“Wh--"

“You said Chris had a rule? They probably... don't want anyone to know. Let's go, Andy.” she pulls at his sleeve and he stands up, following her back down Leslie's yard to their car.

Dumbfounded that April didn't seize this perfect opportunity for blackmail, he slides into the driver's seat quietly and glances at his wife. She's being oddly silent, but he doesn't press it because she usually knows what the right thing to do is. Andy stops before he drives away, turning his head to look at the house one last time. He whips his sunglasses off of his face and laughs. “Macklin,” He whispers. “You son of a bitch. You did it again.”

**Author's Note:**

> A silly little story I had made up in my drafts somewhere. I hadn't planned on posting another fic so close to my first one, but I have a bunch in my drafts and I think I'm just slowly going to post them, over time. :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and the narrative wasn't too confusing when I kept switching names. It's Andy and April-- accept the chaos. 
> 
> On Tumblr as Chameleani if you wanna hang out! Stay safe.


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